The Challenge

Picture this:

You gave birth 2 years ago without giving much thought to the process. After all, the doctor will tell you everything you need to know, right? He convinces you at 39 weeks to induce, after all, your baby is getting HUGE in there and you'll never be able to birth that baby without consequences. So you agree and eventually at the end of the day, as labor stalls and baby stresses out under the myriad of medical interventions and medications, you end up with a cesarean.

You had fully intended to breastfeed, but others held and tended to your baby for many hours after birth and when you finally got to see him, you were so spaced out on pain medications, honestly you couldn't focus enough to even try to latch on. The nursery staff at the hospital was worried about the baby's low blood sugar, so they started him out on formula. After that, with the pain and awkwardness of holding the baby so his weight doesn't sit over your incision, you finally cave to the inevitable and give up on your breastfeeding goal.

When the 2nd baby arrives, you are wiser by far. This time things will be different! You research your birth options and are able to birth naturally. This little one is in your arms from the very beginning and she roots and finds the breast with determined intent and alertness. You sigh with the satisfaction of a goal achieved and an oxytocin high, pouring love all over you and your baby. Your midwife helps you achieve a great latch and gives you some sound advice, but after a few hours of observation and clean-up, she leaves you snuggled up in your own bed with your new baby. Your mother is keeping your older child for 24 hours but after that, she has to go back to work. During the night, the baby doesn't seem to be latching quite as well as she did in the beginning and it sure seems like she is hungry all the time. Doesn't seem like much is coming out and by morning your right nipple is starting to feel the burn each time you feed the baby. Mom is no help because she never nursed any of her children, so she has no advice. Husband is clueless too....

Midwife makes a postpartum visit and asks you about how breastfeeding is going and you mention your struggles. She again demonstrates how to get the baby latched well and gives you a few things you can do to help heal that already tender nipple. She suggests some LLL meetings, but the closest one is 30 minutes away and you don't know just how comfortable you would be going to "something like that".

The first few weeks go by and breastfeeding gets easier. You and baby are finally getting a grasp on the whole latching thing, nipples have healed and milk is flowing, baby is happy and gaining. You have your strength back and you AND your two year old feel the need to get out of the house. Maybe you will go grab some lunch at a local fast food place with that indoor playground and then pick up some groceries while you are out. While packing your diaper bag, you smile thinking about how few things you need to take along now that you are breastfeeding this baby. No more powdered formula and bottles with the right amount of water in them, no more looking around for hot water or a electricity to heat up the bottle. Breastfeeding is SO convenient! And with the way this little lady's eating schedule is all over the place, that is a good thing!

So, you pack everyone in the car in their carseats and head to your favorite lunch spot. Wow, getting TWO kids out of the car is sure a lot more complicated than when you just had the one. Note to self: buy harness for older child to keep him from darting across the busy parking lot while you are getting the baby out. You order lunch and manage to get it to the table without spilling the drinks or dropping the baby. Lunch is spread across the table and you have just taken a bite when your youngest offspring wakes up and smells food. Oh no, seems like she just ate an hour ago? Maybe it was longer by the time you changed her diaper and dressed Junior and found his shoes, packed the diaper bag and managed to get everyone in the car and drive here, I can't remember.

Either way, you have a baby who is making her needs known to you and everyone around with her hungry cry. Now what? You could go to the dirty restroom, but you can't exactly leave your food laying out on the table. Maybe you could pack it all back up in the bag....no, Junior would never hear of it and besides you've just squirted ketchup all over the wrapper for his fries. People are starting to glare at you and the noisy baby, wanting you to do something to just make it stop.

OK, you can do this. You can just feed her right where you are. You have a blanket and can just throw it over your shoulder so no one will know what you are doing. Wow, this getting her hooked up right under a blanket isn't as easy as it seems. You can't see and if you hold the blanket away from you to shed some light on the situation, you don't have a hand left to guide the breast and baby very well. Now, you're getting embarrassed and feeling pretty warm. Does Junior have to ask you about feeding the baby in that loud 'outdoor' voice of his right now? The baby is feeling your combined heat and the heat of her own body trapped under this blanket and she is not happy about it. She waves her arm continuously to knock away the offending blanket. You finally just stop fighting her and leave the blanket off, with only about an inch of bare skin showing. Baby is happy and being fed, Junior is finally focusing on his chicken fingers and you are able to steal a bite of your sandwich without dripping the condiments on the baby. You take a sip of your drink to cool off. Then you dare to raise your eyes to look around the room. Maybe you're just being paranoid but that older woman there seems to be glaring at you. A table of teenagers sit in a booth nearby and you notice they are looking, elbowing and giggling, while passing some kind of comments back and forth. Dear Lord, it sure seems like they are talking about you. Two men take a look, smile at each other and make some kind of comment before breaking into laughter. You notice another mom watching her older child on the playground while feeding her child with a bottle. She momentarily catches my eye and then looks away. You can decide if that was a wistful look--was she wishing she was breastfeeding or was she thinking at that moment that she was really glad she was not?

You manage to finish your meal, spend some time in the play area and head home. Forget the grocery store. You'll never do that with two children again! You get an invitation to have dinner at some friend's house later in the week. You are SO looking forward to an evening out of the house, some girl talk, etc. You go and Junior immediately enjoys playing with their only child, the same age. The baby managed to sleep through the dinner hour and you are looking forward to spending some time with another woman/mother. Soon after you settle down in the living room, the baby starts to stir and you realize it's 'about that time'. Yep, your watch and the baby confirm that she needs to eat. You start to hold her in your lap and lift the edge of your tshirt up to feed her when my friend interrupts and says, "Oh, you would probably be more comfortable in the rocking chair in little Stevie's room" Oh, OK. So you timidly retreat as she follows you to turn on the lights. She smiles and quietly mentions that her husband is really not 'comfortable' seeing women breastfeed, so it would be better if you nursed back here. She closes the door as you finally get the now frantic baby up to the breast. You listen to the sounds of her contented swallowing and sighs, mixed with the sounds of laughter and jokes that you are missing from the living room.

You feel like you are missing out. Missing out on life. Missing out on fun. Missing out on the very badly needed time with other adults and especially your 'friend'. You wonder if this whole breastfeeding thing is really worth it. You originally thought you might make it to a year, but now you're thinking, "Maybe I'll just do it a few more months until I start solid food."

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? What is wrong with a culture that has SO sexualized the organ God provided us with to nurse our young that we must be hidden away to use it. Do you see cows wearing a 'hooter hider' or a mother cat hiding away to feed her kittens? Does any other species consider this obscene or hide it away? Maybe more important, does any other culture but the U.S. do this? No, not really.

As a professional concerned with lactation and health issues, I know how beneficial it is to give your baby species specific milk. How very NORMAL it is to be healthy. It is only when we substitute and give other pasteurized milks from other species that we lose out on the myriad of benefits that our bodies were designed to both give and receive through breastfeeding. But I also know how difficult it is to overcome the false advertising claims of the formula manufacturers and the lack of education concerning breastfeeding. I know not only is it hard to get moms to turn back to this most basic form of feeding but to continue to do it long enough to reap ALL the benefits.

One of the hurdles we face it public opinion and ridicule. We can ALMOST tolerate a mother feeding her baby a few months, but once they start sitting up, babbling, and taking little baby steps, it becomes culturally unacceptable to see them at the breast. Yet, study after study has shown continued benefits of extended breastfeeding. Some of the benefits are "dose related" meaning the longer you nurse, the lower your risk factors will be for a certain disease.

But as long as we keep it hidden away, as long as seeing it isn't NORMAL, as long as we forget to educate people from the cradle on up, we will never make it easy for moms to choose to breastfeed. As long as she knows the ignorant, the embarrassed, the uninformed, the glarers are out there, ready to make her feel dirty and ashamed for daring to nourish her baby at the breast, we will not make progress in our quest to improve the health of our culture.

Most moms I know work really hard to be discreet, but those hooter hiders just scream, "Look at me, I'm breastfeeding over here!" Blankets are hot and babies hate them. Sometimes larger breasts are harder to hide. But the majority of moms can nurse with practice in public and you will never suspect a thing until you get close enough to actually see the baby is attached and not just napping on mommy's chest.

This topic is in the forefront of my mind and the news this week as I participated in a 'Nurse In' in Forest Park, GA where a crowd of over 200 mothers gathered to protest the wording of a new city ordinance that would have limited the sight of public breastfeeding for mothers and babies over 24 months old. While most of the people I work with in this business are aghast that this should even be an issue, the written comments following the news reports of various television stations concerning this issue just point out how very far we have to go to correct the ignorance and public opinion out there.

Next time you notice a mom nursing in public, if it bothers you....look away. If you support her efforts to give her baby breastmilk, give her a smile and a discreet thumbs up.